︎

Ham 

24, They/them
Dorcas: So you brought up your mum a little bit. How’s the conversation [about sex] with your mum now?

Ham: It took quite a while to get to where we are now, but we love growth. My mum's much more open than she used to be about talking about it. She’s seeing somebody new right now after having dated for a few years. She's like, ‘Yeah, I really, really like him.’ And my first question was, ‘Is he making you come though? That’s so important to me that you come.’ And she was like, ‘Oh my god, no! Oh my god — ahh! — don't ask me that!’ But I was like, mum, stop being cute. We’ve got to talk about this, this is so important. As a woman [laughs]. It is so important! [Laughs]. Then I said some crap about how Korea is like, such a patriarchal society and how the woman has to please the man and all that. And then I was just bringing it back to like, ‘Because you are a woman.’ Anyway [laughs]. But she's much more receptive about it. I think if she has any restraints, it's because she's not used to it, and maybe she feels like, you know, I'm your mum. I have to tell you how to be proper and stuff. But she's so open to it now. I think I've encouraged her to be more sex positive, which has helped her talk about it a bit more.

D: And do you guys talk about this in English?

H: When I [say], the ‘As a woman,’ yeah [laughs]. In English. When we start talking about [sex], I try my best to talk in Korean.

D: How do you say ‘come’ in Korean?

H: Um, I think you say like, 갈게.1 I'm literally coming — I'm coming to the place. And you say, I'm close. But it's very literal. There’s not like a big sex vocabulary list for Korean, I don't think.

D: Yeah. I'm really curious because I'm fluent in [Mandarin] but I could never dirty-talk in [Mandarin]. It would just sound —

H: [Laughs] Same! Yeah. If I'm unsure, I just say it phonetically, like ‘or - gasm.’ And [my mum’s] like, what? [Then] she tells me what it actually is.







1Ham says the phrase for “I’m going to cum” in Korean is actually “갈거 같아” (gal-ggeo ga-ta), technically different phrasing to what they say in the interview.

They also note that it’s interesting that the sex vocab list for women in Korean is not nearly as comprehensive as it is for men.

Ham

24, They/them
Lydia, a light skinned Korean woman with turquoise hair, is poised mid-laugh. She clasps her hands by her waist as she sits on a bench.
Ham at Westfield Hornsby, which was a formative place for them as a teenager.


Dorcas: So you brought up your mum a little bit. How’s the conversation [about sex] with your mum now?

Ham: It took quite a while to get to where we are now, but we love growth. My mum's much more open than she used to be about talking about it. She’s seeing somebody new right now after having dated for a few years. She's like, ‘Yeah, I really, really like him.’ And my first question was, ‘Is he making you come though? That’s so important to me that you come.’ And she was like, ‘Oh my god, no! Oh my god — ahh! — don't ask me that!’ But I was like, mum, stop being cute. We’ve got to talk about this, this is so important. As a woman [laughs]. It is so important! [Laughs]. Then I said some crap about how Korea is like, such a patriarchal society and how the woman has to please the man and all that. And then I was just bringing it back to like, ‘Because you are a woman.’ Anyway [laughs]. But she's much more receptive about it. I think if she has any restraints, it's because she's not used to it, and maybe she feels like, you know, I'm your mum. I have to tell you how to be proper and stuff. But she's so open to it now. I think I've encouraged her to be more sex positive, which has helped her talk about it a bit more.

D: And do you guys talk about this in English?

H: When I [say], the ‘As a woman,’ yeah [laughs]. In English. When we start talking about [sex], I try my best to talk in Korean.


Ham now uses they/them pronouns.
Lydia, a light skinned Korean woman with turquoise hair, is poised mid-laugh. She clasps her hands by her waist as she sits on a bench.
Ham at Westfield Hornsby, which was a formative place for them as a teenager.








Ham now uses they/them pronouns.