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Kim

23, She/her
Kim, a tanned Korean woman, leans on her arm as she sits on a picnic blanket. Her hair frames her face as she gazes with a soft expression.
Kim at Sydney Olympic Park, near where she lives.















Kim stands in the middle of some grass. Light shines from above and behind her, creating a halo effect behind her head.
She frequently comes to the park to picnic and watch the sun set.

Kim

23, She/her
Kim, a tanned Korean woman, leans on her arm as she sits on a picnic blanket. Her hair frames her face as she gazes with a soft expression.
Kim at Sydney Olympic Park, near where she lives.

Dorcas: I'm curious about sort of your relationship with food and eating.

Kim: I have a pretty strict eating routine and diet. Ideally, I'd be able to eat whatever I want but I know how my body responds to certain foods. Yeah, it comes from a place of fear. If I eat this, my body will look like this. Because I think it was ingrained in me from when I was young. I remember the first time someone ever commented about my appearance was when I was in Year 2. It was like, ‘Oh, you're so fat.’ And I remember that moment. I just cried and it's hard because when you're that young, what does it mean to be fat? Why is it so bad? So from then it's instilled into your mind that, oh, being fat equals a terrible thing. Like, you can't be fat, that sort of thing. And then also growing up as a dancer as well, looking at [myself] in the mirror for six hours a day at a time. It's pretty hard. So in ballet, obviously, I was surrounded by a lot of people who also had body image issues. I sort of noticed in high school that my body was forming differently to other people. I was just growing at a different speed. I started developing breasts when I was in Year 6. So from there, I did have a lot of eating issues. Even now, I think it's hard. I have a lot of fear towards food.

D: It's just a really hard relationship to have with your body and with eating and balancing all that.

K: Yeah, especially because a lot of my days are directed by how I feel about my body. Which is weird because for me, it's just so normal. Whereas if I speak to someone about it, they'll be like, ‘Oh, that's, that's quite problematic. You should probably reevaluate [that].’ I still think I'm fine. I'm still functioning okay. But I started going to therapy for it. And [I] found that some of my thought patterns aren't necessarily normal or healthy. So yeah, definitely looking at [it] and healing.

Kim stands in the middle of some grass. Light shines from above and behind her, creating a halo effect behind her head.
She frequently comes to the park to picnic and watch the sun set.


D: Can I ask you about what you mean when you say your days are directed by how you view your body?

K: Yeah, so a lot of days, I'll wake up and I'll just look at myself in the mirror. That's the first thing that I'll do and I'll decide if I feel good about it or not. And if I do feel good about it then maybe I'll treat myself to a gelato or something. Otherwise if I feel really bad then I'll say, ‘Okay, well I'll replace this meal with a nap.’ [Laughs].Yeah, my days are dictated by how I feel about my body.

D: I'm curious about the nap, like the sleeping relationship. What is the thought process behind that?

K: Okay, so napping, it's almost like avoiding eating just by taking time out of the day where you'd be eating by just being unconscious [laughs]. So then you're not thinking about being hungry.

D: What do you enjoy eating?

K: I enjoy good foods, like nourishing myself with noodle salads, baked oats, and stuff I really like. But, ideally, I just want to be able to eat gelato. Gelato's my favourite food. I just want to eat it every day, but I can't.
Dorcas: I'm curious about sort of your relationship with food and eating.

Kim: I have a pretty strict eating routine and diet. Ideally, I'd be able to eat whatever I want but I know how my body responds to certain foods. Yeah, it comes from a place of fear. If I eat this, my body will look like this. Because I think it was ingrained in me from when I was young. I remember the first time someone ever commented about my appearance was when I was in Year 2. It was like, ‘Oh, you're so fat.’ And I remember that moment. I just cried and it's hard because when you're that young, what does it mean to be fat? Why is it so bad? So from then it's instilled into your mind that, oh, being fat equals a terrible thing. Like, you can't be fat, that sort of thing. And then also growing up as a dancer as well, looking at [myself] in the mirror for six hours a day at a time. It's pretty hard. So in ballet, obviously, I was surrounded by a lot of people who also had body image issues. I sort of noticed in high school that my body was forming differently to other people. I was just growing at a different speed. I started developing breasts when I was in Year 6. So from there, I did have a lot of eating issues. Even now, I think it's hard. I have a lot of fear towards food.

D: It's just a really hard relationship to have with your body and with eating and balancing all that.

K: Yeah, especially because a lot of my days are directed by how I feel about my body. Which is weird because for me, it's just so normal. Whereas if I speak to someone about it, they'll be like, ‘Oh, that's, that's quite problematic. You should probably reevaluate [that].’ I still think I'm fine. I'm still functioning okay. But I started going to therapy for it. And [I] found that some of my thought patterns aren't necessarily normal or healthy. So yeah, definitely looking at [it] and healing.

D: Can I ask you about what you mean when you say your days are directed by how you view your body?

K: Yeah, so a lot of days, I'll wake up and I'll just look at myself in the mirror. That's the first thing that I'll do and I'll decide if I feel good about it or not. And if I do feel good about it then maybe I'll treat myself to a gelato or something. Otherwise if I feel really bad then I'll say, ‘Okay, well I'll replace this meal with a nap.’ [Laughs].Yeah, my days are dictated by how I feel about my body.

D: I'm curious about the nap, like the sleeping relationship. What is the thought process behind that?

K: Okay, so napping, it's almost like avoiding eating just by taking time out of the day where you'd be eating by just being unconscious [laughs]. So then you're not thinking about being hungry.

D: What do you enjoy eating?

K: I enjoy good foods, like nourishing myself with noodle salads, baked oats, and stuff I really like. But, ideally, I just want to be able to eat gelato. Gelato's my favourite food. I just want to eat it every day, but I can't.